I love my high fitness class at the Meridian YMCA. It's seems to be the only cardio I can do that doesn't drain my will to live.
Pat is leaving for Colorado tomorrow. I'm nervous about our trip to Hawaii in a couple weeks.
Grant & Ander came home from YMs camp today and the level of conflict and emotional disregulation increased exponentially. It's exhausting. It's been a hard day for my anyway. I'm not happy in my life and some days are worse than others. Today is one of those days. I wish I had a community. Pat is up to his eyeballs in projects and work stress that he never has a second to help me figure out my problems, unless I bug him repeatedly. And then even then, he gets frustrated if I say the same thing over and over again that's been bothering me for years. Or if my thoughts are all over the place and not organized in a clear logical way. And if he does come up with an idea, he wants me to be really excited about it, even if I don't think it'll work. Gah. He's a good provider though. And trusts me a great deal. I'm just so darn lonely and jealous that Pat never gets lonely. Or bored. Some days I feel like we're not a very good match because of that.
I got Grant his first lawn mowing job today. He's mowing for the Hatches. And on Monday he's mowing for a young family in our ward.
What do I want?? A pool... because then people will want to come over to our house. And my crazy teens will have something to do in this blistering weather.
A basement. Because then we can through a big party and have a big space to send all the kids.
A bigger backyard. Because then I could rent a bounce house and throw a super fun party that people will want to attend??
A nanny. Because then I wouldn't have to rely on Pat so much to support me with parenting when it got too hard or I to overwhelmed. Gosh, I really wish I had more help there. I thought my sister would be that when we moved here. That has not been the case at all. That's a hard one to face.
We took the kids out to the fancy Albertsons for sushi to celebrate our anniversary, which was yesterday. Then we went over to the bakery and bought a little layer cake for dessert. Then we came home and watched and episode of The Simpsons and Pushing Daisies.
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