This is a weird post to write. I had high hopes of doing a followup one to my last one (where I couldn't go to NYC with a friend). It was such a downer, but I wanted to comment that I had this un-Ashley sense of calm and ok-ness afterwards. I was hoping it was comfort from God to get me through such a discouraging time. I really began to feel some hope. So I pulled up my bootstraps and invited a family over for the Sunday. After a slow response time, they said they couldn't make it. I wasn't too discouraged, but excited that I had found another family that might have potential. Well, today they post on FB that they are moving. ANOTHER FAMILY MOVING!!! (And this was after I heard that this past Sunday was our friends', the Whites, last Sunday).
Every time I hear of a decent family moving, I am sent into a pit of depression. I second guess alllll my decisions. I don't want the work of moving but: I don't love my house. I don't love my kids' schools. I HATE the commute to school. I don't have any real friends in my ward (just nice people that are my acquaintances). Anywhere beautiful is 2.5 hours away. I don't like the town we live in. Gah!
I feel like my whole day was thrown out the window because now I have to much so much effort and time into my stupid mental health. There's other things that have been really hard with my kids lately and this family moving is the straw on the camels back. On top of that, when Lydia heard the news, Pat was in the room and he took Lydia's reaction really badly. (She had exclaimed loudly and hes really really sensitive to loud noises). He chastised her really seriously and said it was not ok to her to express feelings that way. That was hard because I disagree with him there. Sometimes you can't control a surprise reaction. And it makes me nervous because I've always believed I'm too much. I wish I could be bigger and louder, but my husband has made it clear that that doesn't work for him. I understand where he's coming from though. He's really stressed at work and loud things are one more thing to deal with.
No comments:
Post a Comment