Today was Stake Conference. One good thing about this whole pandemic thing is that we could Zoom the meeting. Pat and I were up way too late last night, so the zoom link was the level of engagement that I could handle.
Yesterday I took a hit emotionally when I realized it was Saturday and I hadn't heard anything from the tutoring job I interviewed for. They said I'd hear by Saturday. So that can only mean I didn't get the job. I really thought it was a slam dunk. I have so few skills that people are willing to pay for (that I also can tolerate), but this was one. I've been a tutor for years and thought I do an excellent job at it. Were there really that many chemistry tutors applying to this job? Plus I had the ability to tutor other subjects. I was taken really off guard by the rejection and quite deflated from it. The words of encouragement from Pat saying I do have stuff to offer, etc come up empty after so much rejection in the "real" world.
Clearly God is sending me the message that now is not the time for an opportunity like this. But I'm so consumed by the need to connect with people that it's near impossible for me to put it on a shelf and wait for the "right" time. Most women in this area and our ward simply work to get their connection needs meet. I don't have that. I'm definitely in a messy middle. But I feel like I've been here for some time. I wish God would speak clearer to me. That has yet to happen, so all I can do is just keep going and keep asking.
No comments:
Post a Comment